It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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