She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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