Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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