i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
50% drunk capacity currently
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
