she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Drunk is not a location!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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