My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
