They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
