This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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