Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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