Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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