I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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