census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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