youre lurking in front of me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize