Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
