Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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