Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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