i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
sarcasm needs its own font
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
