i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
