Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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