well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
