My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
