Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You may now shotgun with the bride
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
