xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize