So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
