I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
