allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
