3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
