Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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