Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
