Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
