Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
