in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
