his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We have started to decorate penises.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
