is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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