My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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