you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
