My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
