playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
