frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
