Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
