i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
