At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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