My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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