the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
