she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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