Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
