his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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