I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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