I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
