You're my little dorito
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
