She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
