he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
