threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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