I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
