cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
