i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i now understand why vodka
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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