walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
