Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
