My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
