I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
