you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
