every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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