OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
