I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
