i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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