I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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