like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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