I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Mom said you looked used
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
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