Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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