Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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