I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize